Extra Time in Solo Sessions

As a sex educator who deals with a wide variety of people, I’m often asked how folks can enhance their pleasure alone or with partners. After some investigation, much of the advice given often leads back to the individual knowing how they like to experience pleasure. Even further, it usually starts with the person knowing how their body works via using time solo to explore. What is pleasurable for an individual can change throughout their lifespan, so it’s good to be in touch with those changes. 

One way to devote extra time to solo sessions is through body mapping. Also known as pleasure mapping, this is a practice that solo and partnered people can use to determine where on the body someone likes to be touched, and conversely, where they don’t. Body mapping is an arts-based research tool that, due to its focus on embodied experience, lends itself to an exploration of bodily and psychological feelings and experiences. Body mapping involves ‘…tracing around a person's body to create a life-sized outline, which is filled in during a creative and reflective process, producing an image representing multiple aspects of their embodied experience…’ (De Jager et al. 2016). Body mapping can be done as often as needed, and can be used after major life changes, working through a trauma, or with different partners. This exercise can be utilized for all ages, and because of its nature, does not have to be sexually related. 

When most people think of sexual solo sessions, they tend to think of masturbation. Masturbation is touching one’s genitals for sexual pleasure/gratification. Masturbation” is a term developed in the 1600s to put a negative, moral meaning to pleasuring oneself sexually and was related to religious-cultural norms in Europe at that time (Wilhite & Barard, 2021). Plenty of research across medical and social science fields has shown that masturbation occurs across the lifespan. Though often seen as something that is shameful or unnecessary, it can be a great way for someone to learn their body. Additionally, it can be a way for someone to express their sexual energy safely and without having to have a partner. No matter what genitals a person has, there can be great benefits to masturbation. Besides feeling good, self-pleasure strengthens your pelvic floor muscles, revitalizes genital tissues, fights insomnia, reduces depression, and releases emotional tension and stress. Self-pleasure helps you learn to play with your arousal level and influence when you have an orgasm. Though there may be hesitancy or barriers around masturbation, the great thing about self-pleasure is that each person can go at their individual pace and experiment without worrying about the opinions of anyone else. 

Devoting extra time to solo sessions can be seen as a form of self-care. There are plenty of people who use the time as a way to meditate or time to set intentions for themselves. It is a time to intentionally slow down and carve out time to check in with your own body. It also can empower you to teach partners how to touch you because you have already dedicated the time to learn what it is that will maximize your pleasure. In the case of trauma, solo sessions can help individual work through those issues on their terms and find ways to reclaim their body. It’s important to note that solo sessions do not have to center the genitals. The body has so many ways to experience pleasure that no one has to be limited in any way. 

With Pleasure,

Chanel Jaali

References:

Wilhite & Barard (2021) SelfpleasuringTransMasculine

Wilhite & Barard (2021) SelfPleasureVulva

Wilhite & Barard (2021) Self Pleasure Penis